and death i think is no parenthesis

sad emma is sad.

In the grand tradion of I think Lisa and Carly, I'll make a first snow post. Obviously, this is not the first snow of the year here in massachusetts, but it's the first i've seen. Alex says it's snowing hard in annapolis too. So that counts.
It's very pretty. I always forget how pretty. I drove home early tonight instead of partying...mostly so my mum wouldn't worry. (I'm glad I did, driving was awful...the road was very slippery...I haven't ever really slid out before tonight...thankfully it didn't last long, the tires found traction, and nothing bad happened) But also because I'm feeling a little disconnected from Longmeadow. I'm looking forward to spending time with carly and lisa and other close close friends...but I had no desire to go to dave's for a party. i wanted to be back at st john's, at the party i went to on wednesday, i think. (hey coy, do you still read this? if you do, that was an awesome party. even though the attendees were not really my particular group of friends, i enjoyed them, and the party, immensely. is <- that 'e' in the right place?)

eh. i read Anne of the Island instead. a good trade. :)

my room is cold because our window doesn't close all the way.
i'm tired, but i had a good cry and now I feel better.
i wish I were at the waltz party, but it just didn't work out that way.

as for the good news, i love singing christmas carrolls (how on earth is that spelled?) at the top of my lungs, without the words, and out of key, with anna and meg and mary. there's really nothing i'd rather do.

"to believe in this living is just a hard way to go"

Well, first of all, Kerry kicked major ass...even on the gay marriage stance, which is where he and I have the most problems. ; )

And BUSH! He was so insulting to Massachusetts...saying degrading things to Kerry about the "little senetor from Massachusetts", which was not a gay marriage dig, by the way, but I believe a "rich snobby" sort of implication. Excuse me, Mr. President. Where did you say you were from? Oh yeah. CONNECTICUT! New Haven, CT. *shakes head in disbelief*

I guess he feels like there's no need to court Massachusetts, as we all know that Kerry is going to Carry Massachusetts. BUT JEEZ. Can you be a little less insulting?

Also, I have (hopefully successfully) reregistered in Maryland, since MA doesn't need my democratic vote, but Maryland is at least a little more swing. Probably going democratic...but it's more chancy than good ol' MA. *hearts*

yeah. so this is a "really, I'm not dead!" post. also a "So sorry I disappeared" post.

I just haven't felt the need to blog lately. But it's long weekend (w00t! time to actually DO the tacitus reading) and I have no more excuses.

I've been feeling very anti-social this year. I dunno why. (I just want to do my homework in peace, damn you!)

But I love my friends. And you, my loyal readers. I love you too. ; )

OOH! Guess what! the not!boy is taking me to the LIBRARY today! MMMMMM. *pets not!boy*

Hmm. Work is going well. Even though I have to go in tomorrow morning, bright and early early EVEN THOUGH IT's MY DAY OFF! *le sigh*

School is also going pretty okay. Math still SUCKS HARD, because the tut0r is AWFUL, but that's okay. Greek is so amazing it makes up for it.

I'm trying to decide whether I should write my big-ass greek paper on the Aeneid (Which is more important? Love for individual, or love for kingdom? ahh, the big questions. but based particularly on Dido.) OOOOOR, since I have a feeling Mr Paige would like it, and because it would be good for me, and possibly a better paper, should I translate and analyze a few lines of Antigone (possibly something about the rampant incest-necrophilia in this play)?

I think the latter would be a better paper, but I'm more interested in the former, which presumably would make me make it a better paper.

HMMM. Puzzling.

I'm sorry! Life has been kind of AHHH lately. So much to do, so tired. This problem has been compounded by the St John's Network being pretty much down for the last week or so. YAY!

Anyway. Started work, love the kids, love the teacher (hate the student teacher! she is usurping my position!), love the fact that I once again have a steady income, HATE the hours. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, starting at 8. (after a 20 minute walk). And then Thurday and Friday I have 9 o'clock classes. So much with the no sleeping in. *sadness* Hopefully, I'll adjust to the schedule soon. But all in all, I'm glad I'm doing it.

My classes are okay. I guess. Math SUCKS HARDCORE. Greek is pretty awesome, Seminar is okay. Don't get me started on Music. ; )

I did laundry today! It was FREE!!

On Saturday, I went to the movie...Fahrenheit 9/11...which I guess I agree with, but I felt very played. But then Lia had me and Anna and Mary G over to her apartment for alchohol and gossip and politics. It was so hot. As in, the best night in a LONG time. We just sat around the kitchen table, and drank, and laughed.

I can't decide what I should do this Saturday. I would kind of like to go to the movie, (secretary), but I would also like to(And probably should) go to Alex's show. Hmm. Choices. ; ) I wonder what I'll do Friday night. I kind of want to go back to Lia's place, bring our vodka, and watch a chick flick. Doesn't that sound nice? Or, possibly, get beer and eat pizza and play poker, and pretend to be guys. Either would be good.

OH. I dyed a piece of my hair red! hahahahah.

And I'm looking for a good book to read...something that St John's would have in it's library. (which means that it can be fiction, but it probably has to have some sort of literary merit. *grin*) Any suggestions?

Anyway. Hopefully I'll be posting more frequently as the internet gets more reliable. *crosses fingers*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CARLY!!!!!!!!!

is so suck. SO suck. But I rocked the math prop today. Unfortunately. (as I wasn't at the board. Just helping from my seat.)

in other news, Anna and I made a kick ass soccer recruitment poster with a screaming fury on it, and the caption, "Surely this lust for conflict is not womanlike?" - Aeschylus. YAY.

Props to Alex for spotting the quote as I was flipping through Agamemnon looking for it.

Now, I'm going to go read my book. because I'm done all the homework I'm going to do tonight. ; ) Maybe I'll do new years. But probably not.

So, many interesting things have happened lately...but in the grand tradition of Emma's Blog, I'm only going to tell you about soccer!

Today was the day of the All-campus, Ends vs Means soccer game (ends being the seniors and freshmen, means the sophomores and juniors). so anyway.
Have I told you about being appointed to the Woman's Athletic Advisory Committee (or Council or something), which hasn't met yet or anything, but yanno. EXCITMENT.

So Anna and I go to the game, and Mr. P was like, we need captains! One guy one girl for each team. And I was the Means Captain! Hotness, except that meant that I had to be in charge of substitutions of the team (with my more experience co-captain)...a team composed mostly of older guys, a bunch of whom I didn't know at all. FUN. But I did get to play a little bit, and totally rocked the house. Well, yanno, sort of. Which is about as much as I can hope for when playing with the guys. I had one really smooth defensive move. And I got my feet on the ball while I was playing offence, which is maybe a first for co-ed. MUCH JOY.

anyway. Am looking forward to a grand soccer season ahead of me. You may also look forward to a vast number of SQUEE SOCCER posts, as Lisa calls them.

So, bed. Definitely bed. G'night all!

Well, I'm back, and glad to be here.

Most everything is amazing...there is one thing that I'm feeling a bit sick about, but I'm not going to go into that. Meh.

The Amazingness that is St Johns:
1) Classes. Mainly, Seminar, the only one I've had so far. AMAZING. I talked, said good things I think, liked the people, LOVED the tutors. *hearts* I have the wife of my favorite tutor from last year, and I totally see why they're together. YAY. As far as my other classes go, I've done bits of work for most of them, and enjoyed it. It's nice to be back, and thinking again. Hoorah!

2) People. YAY! I missed everyone SOOO much. It's kind of nice that I didn't really talk to many people, because now I'm like, DUDE. Also, have met a bunch of cool freshmen, and some nice, hopefully not sketchy, Santa Fe transfer students. (2 of whom are in my seminar!)

3) (okay, sorry, here's the obligatory soccer squee post...) Mr. P (the athletic advisor/tutor/whatever) stopped by while I was reading on the front steps this afternoon, to ask me if I wanted to be on the Women's Athletic Advisory Committee. So I said "YES"! Of course! *does a little dance of soccer joy*

4) parties! yay! went waltzing last night, which was great. also did the new year's party thing, which rocked...particularly because I'd paid my reality dues this year early, and was welcome to the beer. pregamed with alex and lia and anna, so the beer wasn't as offensive tasting as i usually find it. ;) Talked excitedly (and a little tipsily) with a bunch of new students (fe's and frosh). Came back to my room, and was asleep minutes after my head hit the pillow. BEST FEELING EVER. I envy those of you for whom that happens every night. Although, i guess then it's not the AMAZINGNESS that it is for me.

Anyway, to sum up? St John's = Amazing. And SOCCER!!!!!!

*giggles to self, and then goes to bed*

Tonight is my last night in the 'meadow. *is sad*
This afternoon, Lisa came over and entertained me whilst I packed. Before she came over I ran inefficient errands, and vacuumed. Little!laura came over around dinner time, and we trecked over to Lisa's house to have mac and cheese. (a fine way to spend my last night in town). I came home pretty early cause I was tiiiired, and watched the olympics for a while. Spotted a really hot swimmer, but didn't catch either his name or his country, so I doubt I'll see him again. ;)

In other news, I am all packed, except for two pairs of pants drying in the basement, and a shirt. Oh, and my hat and tennis racquet, which I don't have a spot for yet. Whoops.

Tomorrow, I'm for the bank, and transfering all my money out of my accounts into my parents, so it doesn't show up in my financial report. Ah, college. I suppose, since I should probably be trying to pay for college anyway, this is for the best. Damn, it's expensive. *shakes head*

Wrote a thank you note for the thank you note from Sabine and her boys. (have discovered that what is pronounced Sabina is actually spelled Sabine. yay!) Felt sad again that I will not see henning for a while. I wants him so bad! He's the best baby ever.

Anyway. Am filled with antici...




pation for going back to school. Am both nervous and excited and sad and happy, and my emotions are running wild! Look, there they go, over the back fence, to freedom!

Anyway...thank you Carly and Lisa (and Henning) for making my summer. I miss you already!

So tonight. We went out to dinner with little!laura. Which was a blast. And then watched the first half of 16 Candles. It made me feel old. The first time I saw it I was younger than 16, and they were so grownup! And now, I'm like, man, the big seniors are 2 years younger than me. Jeez.
Then, we went to Friendly's for dessert and EVERYONE was there. And by everyone, I mean everyone. And we saw John Jordan and Nate Zyla and Evan Don't remember how to spell his last name. Crazy weird.

And what really gets me is how weird this summer is. I hated so much of it...the babysitting was really awful, and I mean really awful, until the last 2 weeks, when it was mainly Sabina's boys (henning and ollie and basti), the one family I loved to bits, and actually looked forward to sitting with. And then the last few weeks, everyone had parties and I saw so many people I hadn't seen all summer, and socialized and shit. And it's like the summer is conspiring to make me want to come back to longmeadow. And it was so awful in the beginning. All I wanted was to go back, and see everyone, and be back at St John's. And then, as soon as I'm actually going back, I'm like, nooooo, longmeadow rocks! Gah.

So speaking of Sabina and the boys, they sent me the BEST card (with a 40$ surprise bonus!) thanking me for being their babysitter, and saying how much they are going to miss me. And Sabina was like, when you started, Henning cried because you were here to babysit (because he's two, and that's what happens with two year olds that have never had a babysitter before), and now, he cries when you leave. And I almost burst into tears myself. I'm going to miss Henning SOOOO much. I want one, not anyone, but one of henning. *sobs*

And speaking of babies...at friendly's, there was a cute little boy who I stuck my tongue out while we were leaving (because that's what I do for little kids. shuddup) and he kind of hid his face, and I smiled at him, and then he held out his arms to me to be picked up and I was like, *melts*

And damn. I'm feeling so emotional now. And it's late and I have to fucking pack tomorrow.

I just wish I could have both at once...st john's and all my friends there, and also longmeadow and my family and my friends here, and henning.

So today I had to say goodbye to Sabina's boys. Henning gave me a kiss and Ollie a big hug. Basti went to bed when I told him to, which is a pretty big goodbye present, I suppose. It was sad to think that if I see them again (which I might, i guess), Henning will be older and will no longer remember me. Because that's what happens. It's happened to me before. Oh well.

Also today, I diddled around on the piano for a few minutes, and now feel at least a little refreshed in time for the music theory of sophomore year. Gah. So old.

Last night we watched The Dark Crystal. It sucked big. I can't even compare it to Labyrinth. Even forgetting that The Dark Crystal does not have David Bowie, and his infinite sexiness.

The night before that we went to Dave's, for one of his big bash type things. Lisa has a good description of that. I tried to talk to the same people that I always tried to talk to in HS, but didn't get too far. I did try though. I really did. I had fun talking loudly about SEX with Amira, as usual. *hearts* It's weird, but I always forget how much I miss her.
And lisa is right to compare it to the OLDen Parties. Before I started dragging her to them, that is. And oddly enough, the dave thing felt the same way that it always did. And by always, I mean before we ever got together, before I got really intense about him. Back when it was just a crush on a friend. And more than any residual longing for him, I was sad. I think because it felt like back in (gosh) late 1999. But then I had hope for this glorious future for us. And now, all I had hope for regarding him was that he'd be awed by my poise and beauty. (which, I'm sure, he was) Meh. did have fun at the party though. I felt at once old and nostalgic, and young and stupid. ;)

In other news, have revealed my scandelous fandom past to the not!boy. He took it well. No fainting, no disowning. So far, so good.
Also, am going to the beach on Friday, and will see the not!boy there! Am v. v. excited. In fact, am worried, because I can picture him there so clearly, that either he will never show up, or it will be absolutely awful. Because that's what happens. *sigh*

*double sigh* Miss the not!boy very much. Am worried that we'll get back, and he'll realize that he doesn't want me anymore, since he did without me all summer, and that will be it. *sadness*

But how could that happen? As I am as beautiful and amazing as I was when I left school, if not MORE so.

My Life in Soundtrack!

Opening Credits: Dog - Ben Folds
Waking Up: Wig in a Box - Hedwig
Average Day: Cross Bone Style - Cat Power
First Date: Kingdom Come - World Party
Falling in Love: It's only Natural - Crowded House
Love Scene: Close to Me - The Cure
Fight Scene: Girl Anachronism - The Dresden Dolls
Breaking Up: Keep Smiling - Clearlake
Getting Back Together: La Vie, l'Amour - Edith Piaf
Secret Love: Ever Fallen in Love - The Buzzcocks
Life's Okay: If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out - Cat Stevens
Mental Breakdown: For Nancy ('cos it already is) - Pete Yorn
Driving: See America - Grant-lee Phillips
Learning a Lesson: Teachers - Leonard Cohen
Deep Thought: Grace Cathedral Hill - The Decemberists
Flashback: River - Joni Mitchell
Partying: Psycho Killer - Talking Heads
Happy Dance: Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes
Regreting: Weary Memory - Iron and Wine
Long Night Alone: Everybody Needs a Little Sanctuary - Grant Lee Buffalo
Death Scene: Many Rivers to Cross - Jimmy Cliff
Closing credits: Down To Zero - Joan Armatrading

First! I cleaned my room! This was fun AND satisfying. I listened to the Dresden Dolls really loud, and then, for the rest of the day, I walked around with Girl Anachronism stuck in my head, and was randomly shouting "There I go again, pretending to be you!" No really, with the shouting. Will was like, "Are you okay?" I said I was fine, but obviously I'm not fine, I'm crazy.

Second! I went shopping with my mum, and got the CUTEST little skirt. Hoorah! (it's got snap buttons. and whenever I spread my legs too far apart the bottom two buttons unsnap. yay!)

Thirdly! I went to watch the opening ceremony at Niki's party. This was fun, and I spent the whole time working out what the different countries were called in Greek that dictated their alphabetical position. Discovered that I actually do not remember the alphabet. Also discovered that Janet, who is in a sorority, knows the alphabet better than I do, although she pronounces it differently. Felt nerdy, but useful when I was able to tell them what alpha-theta-eta-nu-alpha was. Thought that the torch lighting was almost unbearably phallic. Oh the Greeks.

Now, I'm going to go read my book, and maybe go to bed. It's good being me. ; )

I had a nice evening. Had a great time with Sabina's kids. Henning was affectionate, and Ollie, Basti and I had lots of fun reading tongue twisters. (I was reading, and was impressive. Probably particularly compared to their parents, with english being a second language and all)
Then, popped by Janet's for a movie about ballet and some gossip. Good times.

It is now very late for a weeknight. Good thing I don't have to work tomorrow morning. I don't think. *runs and checks*

Goodnight all! Much love!

Edited to add: The Dresden Dolls ROCK MY SOCKS OFF. No, seriously, I'm not wearing socks right now. Because of the Dresden Dolls. Aaaaah.

So, the name thing. I'm sorry to be so mysterious, but I've decided I am not at liberty to reveal the origins, as certain parties involved do not know them, and might read this.

Let it suffice to say that ekpinc is (duh) emmakatrinaplaut incorperated. And the company was started (but never trademarked) as a non-profit (mostly) organization in (i think it was ) 2000.

If still you want the full story (which is not as exciting as all this melodrama implies it is), inquire over AIM.

Crazy past few days. Crazy. Really.

Ask me about them sometime. Or, for a brief version of Saturday, go to my LJ. (also ekpinc. because I'm creative like that)

Do we all know the story behind ekpinc?

So, as of this afternoon, I am traveling up to vermont with LISA to go and visit ANNA!  Hoorah!

We're driving up and spending tonight there, apparantly in a barn.  I have never slept in a barn before!  And then we'll hang out with Anna tomorrow, and come home in the evening.  w00t!  <--this font is really bad for that word.  because the zero's don't look much different than o's.  (o vs 0)  hahahaahah.  anwyay.

So I'll tell you all about it when I get back!  Unless we crash and DIE on 91.  Cause, yanno, then I'd be dead.  *knocks on wood*  (to not be dead)

I hate not feeling well.  I hate it hate it hate it. 

And really, I feel really crappy.  I think it's the heat.  And possibly also boredom. 

The Good News: I did about half the work on my skirt today.  It looks a lot like a skirt, and can even be worn!  I need to finish with the elastic for the waist so it doesn't bunch so much, and then hem the bottom.  Hoorah!  It's pink, with polka dots. 

The Bad News: I have to work tomorrow, from about noon to midnight.  I have a dinner break.  Thank goodness.  If you feel like calling me, call the cell after 10 pm.   I'd love to talk to you.

Anyway.  I'm going to go lie in my hot bed and try to read my book.  I'm in the middle of rereading Wicked, which I picked up for the first time since 9th grade because of the new hit musical.  ;)  And am having a lot of trouble imagining it as a musical....it's terribly political.  And I can't imagine any of the main characters bursting into song without immediately bursting out of character.    Oh well.

So.  "oooh, let me have it...let me grab your soul away...you know, it's me!"

rocked hard.  SOOO much hotter than spiderman1.  And man, does tobey maguire put my panties in a twist when he does that hot little spidey crouch thang.  MMMMM.   Sorry.  Too much information.  ;)
 
In other news, blogger has undergone yet another facelift.  At least this part of it.  So far, I like.  Especially that you do the font changes.  Without all the annoying html.  Which I never bothered with.  ; ) 
 
BUT NOW LOOK!
 
anyway. 
 
Shoutout to the not!boy.  Congratulations, you've put up with my fickleness for 6 months! (hahahaha.  my day was "uneventful"  *sticks out tongue*)
 Keep your chin up...trial is good for the soul...it's character building.  Like physics.  ;) 

It's my birthday! I've hit the grand old age of 19! Woohoo!

Meh. 19 doesn't feel terribly special. And I worked this morning, and I'm working tonight, and no one's around. *pouts*

Oh well. Last night was a good birthday celebration! 2 and a half hours of I Love the 90's! Oh man. It was crazy.

Also, many thanks to carly, for the cat. *hearts*

I am back home! From my weekend in NYC. Well, to be technical, most of my weekend seems to have been spent on various trains, subways, and a bus. Hoorah.
Anyway. Had fun. Saw the not!boy. Rejoiced. Went to the Met to see Caravaggio. Was enamored with (of?) various statuary. Particularly Rodin. *hearts Rodin with big balls of fiery love* Walked through Central Park. Felt cool, albeit touristy. Saw Alyssa (yay Alyssa!) and her long island buddies. Was amused by their accents, and their complete unawareness of NPR. How do you not know NPR? It's national! *shakes head*
Yes. We stayed at my Oma's house, and were regaled by stories of her childhood, and all of her friends who are either sick or dying. *sadness*. Also, annoyed her with the not!boy's determinate non-vegetable/fruit/anything eating habits. She is convinced he's going to die of mal-nutrition. However, this cannot but help make me look good in comparison. When compared to Alex, I eat everything.
Walked a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Just so you know. Also had a brief experiment with driving around Long Island. It failed. Luckily, no lives were lost in the attempt.

And then I came home.

Guess what! It's my birthday on Wednesday!

*cackles in mad joy*

I have nothing to
blog about - so I will tell
about the horror -

trying hard to play
the internet solitaire,
yahoo pyramids

on a dell laptop
with my wireless internet
that keeps shutting down

just when I am in
the middle of level four.
I am really angry.


*bows*

so. last week, I did this High Fidelity deal, and talked to a few of the ex boys. Actually, 2. Most importantly, I talked to Dave...for really the first time. And I was mostly honest with him, and asked him the 3 or 4 questions that have really been bugging me about us, and about our brokenness, and we had this great conversation. And we decided that we were friends again. And he said that next time he was in town for the weekend, he'd give me a call and we could get together in person and talk. And I believed him, I really did. And I was wicked happy about it too. Not because I still hope for some sort of romance with him...because I don't, not really. And not because I want some sort of romance with him...because I don't, don't worry. Just because he was one of my very best friends for about 4 years, even before we dated and shit, and because I still miss him.
So when I find out that he's in town, that he had some sort of party that I wasn't invited to (not that that's the huge deal...his newer group of friends, that i never liked and who never liked me.)...but mostly that he didn't call me, or let me know that he was coming back or anything. I feel let down. I am also suspicious that this is just another symptom of the always-too-busyness of his. I just can't believe that he really is such a bastard as to convince me of his sincerity regarding us being able to be friends, and talking sometime, and then not mean it.

But oh well.

Good news? Babysitting was a lot of fun tonight...inspired by Garp's attraction to babysitters, I contemplated an affair with the father...it was fun. not, by the way, that I would ever in a million years do anything like that.

More good news? Had a nice conversation with the not!boy. Who, by the way, is definitely not to worry about all these other men I'm talking about. (he knows he's the one and only not!boy)
Anyway. Night time, bed time.

I am in the middle of The World According to Garp. Actually, I am at the end of it. The last 50 pages. Last week, I read A Widow For One Year. Last year, actually, 2 years ago now, I read A Prayer for Owen Meany. Prayer was good. It was absorbing, and in english class, I had a blast deciphering the symbolism, and doing all the other things you do to books in english class. It was a good book, and I made a mental note to read more by Irving.
This spring, we went to see some movie, I think it was The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (which I enjoyed), and there was a preview for The Door in the Floor, which is an adaptation of the very first bit of Widow For One Year. It looked interesting...I put a star next Irving, Widow for One Year, in my mental checklist of books to read.
Early this summer, the not!boy read Widow, and recommended it. (he liked the sex) I pushed Widow up my list, displacing a Kingsolver book, some Margaret Atwood, The Tempest, and Bel Canto. I read Widow in about 2 days, and loved it. I was a little bit shocked by all the sex, and felt almost like I should be ashamed of reading something that explicit, despite Irving's obvious literary qualifications.
I told my dad that I'd read it, and he told me to read The World According to Garp. Which I'm doing. Today it made me cry.
Irving is amazing. His books are so long...not just in number of pages, but in scope. They are about a life...and they seem, while I read them, to be covering a lifetime. And in the same way that my own early childhood already seems to belong to a different person, the beginnings of Irving's books seem to be different novels than the ending. The people grow up, in the same way that I am.
He makes me want to write. Not just post in my blog, or write papers, but to write. This year in school kind of suppressed all of my writing instincts...not because I was too busy, although I was busy, but I think because of what we read. We read philosophy, and greek drama, and so on. This year's reading list was not comprised of books that are just supposed to be read. The books were written to be thought about, not just to be read. And I have no ideas that are so strong I need the world to think about them. I have a voice, as far as my writing goes. I have a voice, but nothing terribly interesting to say. And where Plato and Aristotle and Sophocles did not make me want to share my thoughts with others (they made me want to think...and think hard...but for myself, not for the world)...Irving makes me wish I could share.

But I'm not going to. I'm not ready. Instead, I'm going to go finish The World According to Garp, and then maybe I'm going to go upstairs and start another sewing project. And then I'm going to go to work. And that's just the way it's going to be.

ETA: When I said that the not!boy "liked the sex" in Widow for One Year, I did not mean that he liked JUST the sex. In his words, "I liked the fact that irving seems to be as obsessed with sexuality as myself". Just so we're all clear here.

Finally, it is clean(er).

First, I went through my drawers, and pulled about one whole laundry basket full of old clothes to donate (thus making room for all my newer clothes! thus clearing the floor off...for now!). And then I tidied. And finally took all of my CDs out of the shoebox I took to college with me, and put them into the rack. Hoorah!

Now, I'm going to go upstairs, possibly with my computer, and see if I can figure out what's what with the very old sewing machine. If I can figure it out, I'm going to learn how to sew. I am going to teach myself, obviously. Goal: To have made a skirt by the end of the year. :)

"Can't blame us, boys, and we all sighed for the dirty white noise" - Patty Larkin

So today it's going well. (I have still have the boys this afternoon though, and then sitting for sarah)

I sat for this little boy, chris, who is just barely, possibly two. Definitly no more than 24 months. But anyway. It was the first time he had been left alone with a babysitter (oh joy of joys for me) and he was so angry. He screamed and screamed. And by screamed, I don't mean the kind of loud crying that most two year olds treat me to. I mean ear-piercing screams. I walked him around the neighborhood (screaming) and then I walked him around the house (screaming). I tried to interest him in his toys (screaming) and his books (screaming). Then I sat down, with him in front of me, and burst into fake!tears. He looked at me, said, "It's okay", then screamed again. I sighed, and picked him up and settled him (still screaming) in my lap. He laid his head down on my shoulder, and put his arms around me, and stopped screaming, and started to cry. I rubbed his back and held him. Gradually, his cries quieted, until there were just occasional choking sobs. And then I looked down and he was asleep.

It had been a while since there was someone asleep in my arms. All of my kids last summer were too old for that, and this summer, they are all too stubborn, and kick if I try to hold them. But Chris fell asleep. And when he woke up, we took a walk, and watched some guy cut somebody's lawn, and said hello and goodbye to all the trucks we saw, and played with chalk. And life was good.

So I have snapped out of my bad mood!

The Cure: I gave in and helped myself to 2(!) more Margaret Atwood books to start reading. 1 of which I have NEVER read before. (I figured I really needed it)
I also have been FLOODED with calls to arms...I mean babysitting. I am booked up for this week, next week I'm going on vacation, and then it looks like slowly but surely my summer is filling up. Life is better.

(I feel good. I feel better now. I feel better than James Brown)

Now I am off to job number 2 today. Unfortunately, it's the boys...if there exists a margaret-atwood-buzz killer, they are it. But I'm not sure even they can defeat not 1, but 2! books. I am prepared!

Also, Alex, if you're reading this, I'm starting to get angsty about not being able to get in touch with you. Call me! Or I'll give up on scheduling a New York trip with you, and just go by myself (and my oma)!

yeah. it's a dandy warhols kinda week. (hint for understanding emma: when the dandy warhols come out, it's probably time to run for the tissues)

At the moment, my life kinda sucks. The perks of my week have been the little sewing parties I inspired...but I'm not even in the right sort of mood to really appreciate them. At least I made myself another cute bag. And a belt.

Other Perks: Watching Legally Blonde 2 with my parents. Because I love my parents, and I love that they watched that movie.
Listening to The New Amsterdams, Worse for the Wear. Awesome cd. If you visit their website, listen to the song on their intro page. From California. Very pretty. And addicting.
Wearing my pink hat today, with the pink and blue bag and belt I made myself, and my capris and blue shirt with the butterfly. Sometimes I need to match...I think it might be a control thing. I don't mind if the colors aren't exactly right, or whatever. I just need it.
Dusting the downstairs for my mother. Made me feel useful when I really needed it, and also gave me time to listen to music turned up.
Talking to my oma, who let me know that if I came and visited her, with or without boy, it would make her happy.

Not-Perks: general moodiness
work being so very awful
stressing out about money. again.
stressing out about using my time wisely. again.
getting myself addicted to Pyramids, because I don't want to do anything more productive.
not wanting to read anything at all, not even trash.
the sneakyness of the little boys, who manage to make me feel like a horrible person, and are the only people, children or adults, who have ever managed to make me really lose my temper.
the boy having fallen off the face of the earth.
my chapstick having fallen off the face of the earth, resulting in my dry lips.
the cut on the inside of my mouth that is driving me crazy
picking up Mod Ten again. Because I need that, really.
speaking of, not seeing dave for the few days he was home. just because once upon a time, he was one of my best friends. and because maybe we could have talked (now that I'm finally prepared to be reasonable). and because I don't want him to remember me that way.
having bitten all my nails
finally having to retire my glasses case, because it is dead. because I loved it.
having to buy a new band for my watch. because the one I have is so perfect...and getting so raggedy.
having work tomorrow, and having to go to bed.
not being able to go to spain this summer. and my family talking about going all together next year...which was kind of not the point. actually really not the point.
the high price of gasoline, which makes me unable to just drive around at night when I'm feeling angsty and not ready to go home like I did last year. (Thursday, July 10th, 2003)


"no more sitting around, thinking about your hair...because I must have a door in the back of my head. yeah, I got a beautiful new asian girlfriend...she comes over and hangs around for days in my bed. yeah, you can't seriously believe I'm thinking about you, man. because I must have a door in the back of my head...where I can dump out all the crap so I can just feel solid again...yeah."

I feel like my life is deteriorating. I get all my major news from Metaquotes. That strikes me as wrong.

So. Did you know that Ray Charles died yesterday?

It's been a really long time since my last blog. Possibly this is because my life is either boring, or maybe it's just that I haven't been in any sort of writing mood. Oh, summer.

Babysitting continues to be awful...but that's okay.
I miss school muchly...I even miss homework and seminar reading.
Despite that, I've been having fun hanging out with the girls, and occasional boys, and just wish that our schedules weren't so clashing, so we could get together more. And play mah jongg. Because that's what makes me happy, silly.

I made myself a bag, and that makes me happy. It's not pretty, and the colors are awful, because I just ripped up two old shirts I had, and they happened to be black and bright red...which will clash with just about anything I'm wearing. But that's okay, I love it anyway. Because I designed it myself, so it has pockets for the things I needed pockets for, and it's big enough to carry a fair sized book in...the important things of life.

I've been reading this particularly awesome series of silly historical romances (the good kind, not the trash kind. but still not exactly high class literature. but fun)...and it was great, until I got to the present book. It's about this 33 year old Lord Someone-or-other (who by the way, is cursed with great looks) and his 18 year old ward, who he rescued from the gypsies 10 years ago, and has raised ever since. So far, so good. Problem: They're falling in love. And I've read about 10 of these books, and I know the signs...they are meant to be. So they're going to realize it, and get married, after having some hair-raising adventures, probably with Jacobite traitors. My problem with this: She calls him Papa a few times in the beginning. This is so gross! SO GROSS. Knowing the author, I'm sure she's going to deal with it...but at the moment I really have my doubts. I mean, yuck. I'll keep you posted.

In other news, little!Laura is graduating tonight! CONGRATULATIONS!

So everything is well. I miss the not!boy in a proper and healthy way, I'm about to go on a bike ride, and I had a lovely talk with big!laura last night. Also, saw and LOVED pulp fiction. awesome movie. can't believe i never saw it before.

I feel like I may do this same survey every time it comes around. But that's okay, you love me anyway. Right?

LAYER ONE
-- Name: Emma
-- Birthdate: July 14, 1985
-- Birthplace: Teaneck, NJ
-- Current Location: the 'meadow!
-- Eye Color: Brown (a nice brown, i think)
-- Hair Color: light brownish
-- Height: 5'3 and a bit
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Cancer

LAYER TWO
-- Your heritage: Why do you want to know? I'm half German (gaaaaaaaarman)1/4 Slovak, 1/4 English, Irish, that sort of deal
-- The shoes you wore today: my very favorite, perfect sneakers. *hearts*
-- Your weakness: the internet, boys who pay attention to me
-- Your fears: being stuck babysitting forever...
-- Your perfect pizza: my mother's onion and pepper pizza. with the peppers picked off.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: figure out what I want to do with my life...

LAYER THREE
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: *snorts*
-- Your thoughts first waking up: shit!
-- Your best physical feature: i really like my hands, and ears. some people have told me that i have a nice ass. i wouldn't know about that though.
-- Your bedtime: on a school night? 12:30. otherwise, by 2 usually.
-- Your most missed memory: i don't understand this question. i'm missing a memory?

LAYER FOUR
-- Pepsi or Coke: coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: ew
-- Single or group dates: single. well. group can be okay. depends on the group
-- Adidas or Nike: neither
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: yuck
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: italian cream soda!

LAYER FIVE
-- Smoke: definitely not.
-- Cuss: you mean swear? all the time.
-- Take a shower everyday: nope
-- Have a crush(es): no. sorry alex.
-- Do you think you've been in love: sometimes
-- Want to go to college: definitely. i miss it like CRAAAZY
-- Want to get married: yes. within the next year. sorry alex.
-- Believe in yourself: of course!
-- Get motion sickness: in the car
-- Think you're attractive: sometimes. sometimes I think i'm horrible too. it all depends.
-- Think you're a health freak: nope
-- Get along with your parents: always
-- Like thunderstorms: yes. they make me happy. especially lightning.
-- Play an instrument: the piano sorta.

LAYER SIX: In the past month have you...
-- Drank alcohol: yes. REALITY!
-- Smoked: nope
-- Done a drug: nope
-- Had Sex: define "Sex"
-- Gone to the mall: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreo: nope
-- Eaten sushi: eww
-- Been on stage: nope
-- Gone skating: no, unfortunately. hey, alex, didn't you promise me ice-skating?
-- Made homemade cookies: nope
-- Gone skinny dipping: nope
-- Dyed your hair: nope
-- Stolen anything: nope

LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: i don't think so...
-- If so, was it mixed company: blank
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yup. well, maybe not extremely
-- Been caught "doing something": depends on what you mean by that. i've been caught doing stuff withe someone, if that what that means.
-- Been called a tease: not seriously
-- Gotten beaten up: no. except in basketball
-- Shoplifted: only by accident
-- Changed who you were to fit in: yes. only not to fit in exactly. to attract someone.

LAYER EIGHT
-- Age you hope to be married: *shrug*
-- Numbers and Names of Children: at the moment, I definitely don't want any.
-- Describe your dream wedding: just us and the justice of peace. and then a rocking party.
-- How do you want to die: not alone <-- what he said
-- Where you want to go to college: ST JOHN's
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: happy
-- What country would you most like to visit: that I haven't been to? england. that I have? italy again. to florence, or rome

LAYER NINE: In opposite sex...
-- Best eye color: oh, i can't answer these.
-- Best hair color:
-- Short or long hair: except this one...i like hair long enough to ruffle and run my fingers through. but not long enough to look annoying or effeminate
-- Height: tall
-- Best weight: 172 pounds. exactly. heheh
-- Best articles of clothing: pants
-- Best first date location: chasement! or dinner.
-- Best first kiss location: the ocean

LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: just alcohol
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: i dunno. i guess i trust a lot of people...
-- Number of CDs that I own: not including burned, maybe 50
-- Number of piercings: none
-- Number of tattoos: none
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: some...
-- Number of scars on my body: 3 that i can think of
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: i never know how to answer this one.

LAYER ELEVEN
-- What do you most like about your body?: didn't i answer this one? i like my hands. and my breasts, actually.
-- And least: thighs, neck
-- How many fillings do you have?: none!
-- Do you think you're good looking?: on good days
-- Do other people often tell you that you're good looking?: certain boys do. other boys don't. girls tend to tell me that I'm cute
-- Do you look like any celebrities?: i don't think so
-- Fav. Band/Singer/Performer/Composer: at the moment, Martin Sexton
-- Movie you could watch forever: there isn't one
-- Fav. book?: oh, no fair. at the moment, my fav author is Margaret Atwood
-- Inanimate object you'd hate to live without: computer, definitely. and poohbear (funny story. Until second semester this year, I'd never spent a night without pooh bear. was beginning to think I couldn't...)
-- TV show you cant stand: the Real World
-- Random fact about you: I don't like the movie Sabrina (the audrey hepburn one)

Okay, so of course, I was back in Annapolis. I was walking somewhere, by myself, and there was this tree. And underneath it, I dug, and uncovered another seed. I decided to dig it up, and bring it closer to campus with me, so that it would grow tall, and then Anna and I could live there. (Don't ask me why we could have lived in a tree)
So I was in the middle of doing this when Lisa came up and brought me back to campus with her to go to a waltz. Mr Schulman came up in the middle of it, and came and sat down with us, and talked about how he was petitioning the school to change the policy they were considering...that no student would be allowed to leave the campus. I agreed with him that the policy would be wrong and detrimental, but he was definitely holding back some really vital information from me.
Then, some people brought him flyers about apartments off campus that would be available next year, and he gave them to me. One of the people was Natalie Rinn, and she said her apartment was really close (and she pointed right across the street, where there was an apartment building), and a good size for 2 and cheap, but that it was really really hot all the time. I went across the street by myself, and climbed up to the third floor, and inspected one of the apartments, and it was perfect. I figured we could just leave the windows open. I was just leaving when Lisa came and found me, and was like, come look at an apartment with me, and I was like, but I just did. She insisted, and asked for 85 cents to open the door. I asked why, and she didn't answer, just wrapped her hair around the door knob, and opened it like that. I was confused. Then, we were walking down the hall, and I walked past this guy coming out of one of the rooms, and then I turned back and realized it was Dave. I stopped, and was like, wow! What are you doing here, without telling me? And he looked sheepish, and shrugged. Then two guys came out of the apartment, and he introduced me to them. One of them was like, OH, you're EMMA, I've heard about you. And I said, yes, I am that exulted person. And he laughed. I asked Dave what he was doing in Annapolis, and he didn't give me a straight answer. Then I asked one of the guys whose room he was staying in, and he said something about a music tour. This whole time I was wishing that it was not Lisa with me (since she knows Dave) but Anna or Alex, because I wanted them both to meet Dave. I particularly wanted Alex to be there, so I could be like, this is my boyfriend! (because he's so gorgeous and manly looking, obviously) And it was really hot in the apartment. So I woke up and took my sweatshirt off. YAY. It was funny dream, and nice how I found the (almost) perfect apartments for Anna and I to live in. ; )

In other news, I am still tired, and I don't really want to socialize. I think maybe I'm burned out. I was extremely social all year, and only very rarely alone, but I didn't mind too much...and now I think I'm being hit by the deficit of Emma Time. However, despite my extreme anti-social urges, I do want to hang out with people, ie, Lisa and Carly, who I promised to call. I guess I will. ;)



ETA: Just so there's no confusion...the gorgeous one is alex. ; )
Also, I want to make it even more clear that when I mention my anti-social urges, that does not mean that I don't want to hang out/talk to you/anyone. Nor does it mean that you should go home, or not call me or whatever. it just means that i'll be grouchy. and hopefully you all can deal with that. be strong!

sorry I haven't updated in so long. yes, I am home. yes, I made it safely. I've been really busy so far, with little time to spend on the computer, but as my dad is bringing the internet card home today (hopefully!), I'll have internet through my laptop (*misses the laptop*), and will be on more often. If you missed me. ;)

in other news, I've been babysitting, like i'll be doing ALL summer. meh

Last Seminar of the year.

I am all packed up, and off to Alex's house for the evening (after seminar and seminar party). I will be back in the 'meadow around 5:00 tomorrow.

St. John's, I love and will miss you. Thank you for an AMAZINGLY AWESOME year. I couldn't ask for anything more.

*is filled with love*

What happened to blogger!

Also, should I leave my enetation comments behind, and hope on the blogger-comment bandwagon? Lisa, what do you think?

In more personal news, I have a week left at school. I am super busy, tired, stressed out about housing and packing, but the weather is nice. I thought I wouldn't want to leave, but I think I'm looking forward to being in the real world again. And to seeing you longmeadowites. Probably, a few weeks into summer, I'll wish I was back in this parallel universe again, but it can't be helped. Such is life.

Also, I think I've had too much sun this weekend. It's making me kinda cranky.

yeah. so things just get better and better.
I drew a really really crap number in the lottery (just about as crap as it gets), and so did anna, which means that chances are good that I won't get on-campus housing next year. Which is about worst-case scenario in my books. Not absolutely worst-case scenario, that one will pop up when I can't find an apartment to rent within a 10 minute walk of campus, and either spend all my time in transit, or live on the streets.
Plus, alyssa is probably not coming back next year.

I just don't even want to think about what is going to go wrong next. Everything that I was kinda taking for granted would work out, isn't. Maybe Alex will dump me. At this point, I wouldn't be that surprised.

I'm going to pretend this is (horrors!) livejournal, and do a

Mood: Teary
Music: Kingdom Come: World Party

I am so angry.
Not only did we not get the loft (when the woman in charge of this sort of thing, Joy Kaplan, practically promised it to us, because we were the first with our application in), but we lost it to a group of guys who KISSED ASS to get it (going and singing her a song, as well as getting a recommendation from her favorite RA, one of the most hated guys on campus because of his unforgiving alchohol policies).
This, despite the fact that it's tradition for the loft to go to boys then girls then boys then girls, which means it should have been a group of girls that got it.
So after all of Anna's and my hard work on that fucking application essay, and all our hopefull planning on the really cool things we could have done with the space to decorate, and the parties we could have given, we are thrown over for a group of guys with musical talent. Fuck that.

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. I really wanted this, and kind of assumed we would. Which of course, means we wouldn't. I persist in being optimistic, and assuming that I am the heroine of every situation, and will come out on top, when clearly I'm wrong.

I just want to go home now, and cry in my bed, but I fucking can't because there's no place to go have a good cry on this fucking campus. There are fucking people everywhere.

"because everybody knows he pumps you for your money, but that's okay don't worry bout it honey...rubbing on the lotion and rocking on the horse size pills...sometimes you feel like moses, but that's when you're toasted." -dandy warhols

sucks. It's driving me crazy. My comments say that I have 5 on the last post, but I can only see 2 of them. And on lisa's blog, it says she has 6, and I know that one of them is mine, but I can't see any. GRR.

Anyway. So much happened this weekend that I can't even write about it. I had fun, the not!boy rocked out, and, well, croquet. I can't really describe croquet. You kind of had to be there. Or ask me in person. I can do that. ; )

Why do you cry?

I don't mean...when you hurt yourself, or when your boyfriend dumps you, or even when someone dies.
I mean the silly times. Do you cry at really good music? A sad movie?

I cry at the end of books. I even cry sometimes when they have happy endings.

Book Recommendation of the Day: Animal Dreams, by Barbara Kingsolver

Well. The 80 degree weather was nice for a little while...but it needs to go away now. Either that or they need to turn off the heat in the dorms, and turn on the AC. Because I'm dying. As in DEATH BY SMOTHERING. Also, the heat has made it impossible for me to nap. Which in turn has made me very cranky. World, look out.

*sulks*

just a quick quiz:

Why Am I So Happy?
a) Awesome Friends
b) Not!boys
c) Greek
d) Oral Exam tomorrow
e) Amazing 80degree and sunny weather
f) All of the above
g) All of the above except b
h) All of the above except c and d


You will be graded. This is for p and p, (points and pressure).

Well. Updating at the not!request of the not!boy,

my weekend in review (sorry for the repeat!)

A Heart of Darkness party, friend visits, co-ed soccer, lack of Cranium, masquerade, Easter at the boy's house, hanging out with Anna, good music (Tom Paxton, Leonard Cohen, Pete Yorn)...good books read...(Robertson Davies, Robert Hellenga)...no homework accomplished, but sleep...and too many jello shots, too much chocolate and champagne...too much money spent on little things (a caramel steamer, a movie, a mask at the party)...too much laundry, a very messy room, an hour spent on the front lawn, a mix cd, a day off work, a walk to Rite Aid, a phone call home, a case of mistaken identity (funny story, remind me to tell you sometime)...three ibuprofen, 4 loft boys, 1 five year old girl, 1 shot of tequila, hours of bad dance music...

Monday...class, class, some more class. Poor not!boy had surgery. I was affectionate, and stayed up too late.
Tuesday...work (yawned a lot, was frustrated with Kinae, except when she asked for More when I was feeding her, which is this HUGE step forward. HUGE), meeting with one of my tutors, class, soccer IN THE RAIN (Anna and I were made the captians, Mr. P: "You guys are the Future", and we had to pick teams. it rocked) Comforting the boy (it was thundering), dinner, collapsed in boy's room, homework, search for anna, more homework, SLEEP
Wednesday...exhaustion AND cramps...class, half-hour nap, class, class, homework homework homework, dinner, art, homework, brief visit from the boy, and NOW, SLEEP.

oh. before i forget. Reason #395 Why I Love St. John's: In math, where we are starting Ptolemy, my tutor felt it necessary to remind us how to round decimals (5 and over up, less than 5 down)...in the middle of this terribly complicated proof of how the universe worked, according to this guy in 200 AD. (hey, forget all this earth rotating around the sun nonesense. Obviously the earth is stationary, in the exact center of the sphere of the universe) We also reinvented Factor-Labeling and Long Division.

I just had an awful really terrible nightmare. I woke myself up out of it and my heart was pounding, and I had to sit up and even the knocking of the wind against the window was making me nervous. So I decided, screw my poor sleeping roomate, and opened up the computer. Becuase god damn.

I was sleeping in bekah and anna's room for some strange arrangement, and anna was somewhere else. Bekah was downstairs, and coming to bed. It wasn't really their room, it was more like a hotel room, with a big double bed. I got in, and kinda fell asleep, and then I noticed this really creepy guy, standing inside the door, waiting. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't drag myself out of sleep enough to do something. Finally bekah came in, and I managed to wake myself up and screamed about him. She looked at him, and typically bekah, was like, "Are you trying to spy on me? Get out! I'll call security"...but I had already reached for both phones, (there was one on each side of the bed), and I dialed security on both, hoping one would connect faster. The man left, and bekah shut the door. This was good, as I had dialed the wrong number. There was something else awful that happened, but I don't remember what it was.

Anwyay. Hopefully writing this will help me calm down a bit, as I have to get up for work in about 4 hours. FUCK.

WELL.

I would say that I've had the week from hell...except it wouldn't be true. As far as individual moments, I've had a really awesome week. But I'm exhausted...I've been on the go all week...there was no day that I took it easy, and I'm sick as a dog, so I think it's just been building up. *coughs* *dies*
So. I worked a lot. The kids are wonderful, the job is wonderful...it's just too bad I keep having to walk there in the rain, and too bad it's at 8 in the morning. *sighs*. BUT, wonderful.
I also did a lot of schoolwork. I had a few meetings with my tut0rs about the paper I'll turn in on Monday. They both said it was good, solid, etc, but suggested a lot of things to add. Hmm. Also, one of them offered me a shot of whiskey before my oral. *rock* *loves him*
What else? Hung around with the not!boy, which is always nice. Fell apart on him last night, which freaked him out. I realized that I haven't cried in a really long time. He probably hasn't ever seen me really cry. Have decided that this is a good thing, and means that I'm happy.
Played soccer in the rain. ROCK! kicked major ass, even though my team lost big. I'm amazing. It was really nice to go from basketball, which I'm mediocre at ( I would be really bad, because I'm short and don't know what I'm doing...but I think my natural athleticism (*snickers*) saw me through ), to soccer, which I'm pretty okay at...and more importantly, know exactly what's going on, and where i should stand, and what I should do. I felt good. Then, at the end of the game, my illness caught up to me and I almost threw up. But it was totally worth it.
Took a shower, felt better, went to dinner. Talked to the not!boy for a little while, then beat him up. I didn't fight fair, but really, his reach is like, double mine. I need to cheat! hehehe. Anyway, so that was fun (and sexy! *winks*) and now I'm going to maybe take a nap before going to the Loft Party! *shoutout to the Loft Boys! Or, as I've decided they should be called, the Lost Boys. Alex thinks that makes him Peter Pan, but I'm not sure I agree...Alyssa told Coy she'd heard a lot about him, and then told me she now understood what we were talking about. Just because he's the cute one...also, apparantly Dan rearranged the furniture for PARTY, and did it well. Nothing less than I would have expected, really*

Anyway. *loves the world*

I just opened Word to work on my paper. The little paperclip popped up, and promptly let me know that,

"Plaid shirts and stripped pants rarely make a positive fashion statement."

As my paper is about the Republic of Plato, I just don't understand how this is relevant.

have been going a little bit crazy lately. If you've been on the recieving end of this insanity (coughcoughalex), I'm sorry. Really.

Hmm. Had an eventful few days. Have been really tired and achey, not sure why. Work went well...the kids are adorable and heartbreaking. I'm going to learn a lot of sign language! heh.
Went to see Eternal Sunshine with everyone (pretty literally!), which was fun. Hung out with Anna on Saturday. In the evening, watched Crouching Tiger with not!boy and Coy (hehhehe, rhyming) and then hit the sorta chase party. wasn't really in the mood, so didn't stay. Went home and had fun with the not!boy.

Today, did homework. Am coming along with the paper, which is good.

am now going to take a walk with anna. *rock*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA!!!
I love you, even though you're old and 19 now. *laughs*

I am so tired. And all of a sudden, I feel so overwhelmed. Not only do I have this paper to do, all my regular work, and financial aid packets to fill out, but then I have to add this job thing. I spent an hour today over at the school, with my supervisor from st john's.
So this is the deal. I'll be working from 8-12 in the morning every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Starting tomorrow. That means that I won't be able to sleep later than 8 all week, even after seminar nights. And most of the time, I'll be waking up at 7. Goddamn. Plus, it's a 15 minute walk to the school from campus, although at least I can include travel time in my paycheck. I'll be working with the special need 3-4 year olds too...headache central. Most of them won't even be potty-trained. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh, and by tomorrow, I have to find time to go watch this awful 30 minute video about working with children. Mer.

*falls over*

Just so you all know, I am safely back at St John's. And I have just popped a tylonal pm, so maybe I'll fall asleep soon. That would be good. As I have a 9 o-clock tomorrow. Sometimes I hate my life.

But I got to see the not!boy today! *dances*

*drops dead*

I wrote this. And then I got stuck. You'll see. I need help. So I've turned to you, my loyal blog readers. How should this end? Should I keep working on it, or is it crap? I'm counting on you...

The Wolf

Once upon a time, the forest was all there was.
There was no meadow, no village, no city.
There was no cottage, no path.
There was no little girl with yellow hair.
All that could be seen was forest, but there was no one to see it. All was forest.

And then there was the wolf. If first was forest, second was wolf. He was beautiful. He was strong. He was big. He was fast. He was alone. That was the way it was, and that was the way he liked it. The forest was his home and his life. He needed nothing else, and there was nothing else to need. Wolf and forest were happy; there was nothing to make them sad.

And then there were people. There was noise and color and passion. There were paths and roads and highways. There were cottages and villages and cities. There was less forest.

But the wolf could still be happy. He moved farther away into the forest, and ignored the people. He was still wolf and the forest was still forest. The people were unimportant, and did not affect his beauty, his strength, his solitude. His happiness. He needed nothing.

And then there was her.

She skipped lightly into his forest, as if he was not there. She had golden hair, long legs, and plump cheeks. He could not stop looking at the red of her cloak that stood out in contrast to the forest. He wanted her.

For the first time, the wolf needed something that was not forest. He was scared. The wolf turned his back on the girl and went further away.

But he could not stop thinking of her. The forest could not distract him, could not satisfy him. And for the first time, the wolf knew sadness.

He went back to where he could see the girl. He watched her from behind trees, and wanted her. He had to have her.


And that's where it ends. I'm sure you all figured out that it is a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, but what should happen next? How should they meet? Should he go to grandmother's house? Should he kill granny? This is sort of a wolf-sympathetic piece...so keep that in mind. Should he kill Red? I'm kinda leaning towards sticking to the original and getting the wolf to die.

So, help? Beta, anyone? Bueller?

I think I must be tired...
I was watching some terrible tv show, and there was a "touching father-son moment", that I definitely should have been laughing at, and instead, I burst into tears at the sight of their awkward hug.
And then, I finished the book I was reading, and there was some awful wrap up line about how the main character, just like a fledgling bird, may not have the most graceful flight yet, but is growing up well and in safety. And again, tears.

Weird. Maybe I need to take a nap.

Well. I haven't posted or written any poems in a long time, so I figured, why not? These are a tad old, but I haven't written anything good recently. And sorry for spamming blogger. You don't have to read these, don't be silly.


She has been dropped
(not unexpected)
straight into her old life.
The changes she made
are still waiting for her -
but for now
she is swallowed
by the way things were.
She begins to realize that
she never really left.

The books are piled on the floor
(same as they always were)
She is embraced by friends
who have cut their hair, but
otherwise feel the same under
her hands.
At night, she sinks into bed
(her old blankets and sheets)
and dreams of things she
thought were forgotten.

She dreams about boys
who left her long ago.
She dreams about teachers
who no longer remember her name.
She dreams about children.

She is not a child,
not anymore.
But for now, she still
slides easily into a
life that a child made.
All her old clothes still fit.

And she thinks sleepily back
to her new life.
It drifts away from her,
as if it were never real
in the first place.
She studies her face in the mirror,
hoping for some clue,
some proof that she's
grown up.
But she doesn't find any.


I'm a little unsure of this one. Is it really bleech? Somehow the third person, while not my favorite, seems to work for it.

All of a sudden,
I feel separated
from my name.
It no longer means
me -
instead it is (just) a
random collection of syllables.
It could belong to anyone.

Indeed, more than having
no meaning at all,
(what is in a name, anyway?)
it seems to conjure images
of someone not me -
plump and contented,
comfortable -
but prim, secretly
straight-laced.
I can hear you address
me, in that way of yours,
but at the same time,
you are talking to someone else...
I am nameless,
hovering above you, unnoticed.

But then the moment passes -
my name is my own again.
I rest securely in
self-knowledge,
and close my eyes,
dreaming of the touch
of your fingers

as you trace the
letters of my name
in the hollow of my back.

sorry for the poetry spammage. ;) as always, your comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated...

also, the horrible horrible headache has almost gone. i need a heating pad of my own...

It has occurred to me that perhaps Britney Spears is more intelligent than we give her credit for being. Also, a better human being.

I was just reading a Savage Love column, and he was defending gay marriage. Dan pulled out the now-classic line, "One day I would like to live in a country where my decade-long relationship is treated with the same respect--and afforded the same rights, protections, and responsibilities--as Britney Spears' 55-hour marriage."

This reference to Britney Spears made me think. What if Britney was secretly pro-gay rights? What if she sat down and thought about how she could help the cause, being such a high-profile celebrity? What if the answer she came up with was making a mockery of marriage? (heh. alliteration.) Is it just coincidence that she gave all gay activists the perfect argument, right when the controversy over gay marriage was building?

I don't think so. So, Thank you, Britney Spears. I apologize for calling you nasty names, and for underestimating you.

My mother has disapproved of The Pants. She says that the patches (particularly the one on my ass) look like my underwear showing through.

I kind of like that look though.

Hmm.

I PATCHED MY PANTS!!!!

My FAVORITE PANTS!!!!

THE BEST PANTS EVER! AND NOW I'm WEARING THEM!!!!! AND THEY're NOT IMMODEST! FUNNY LOOKING, YES. IMMODEST? NO.

sorry.

*Happiness*

I've decided who I'm going to marry.
His name is Greg and he's a Wiggle.

He's got a nice voice, and he's good with children. He's adorable, and he's got a hot australian accent. Plus, he's a Wiggle, which probably means that he's rich as hell. (this is good)


Greg is the one in yellow.

We're going to meet when I take my class of preschoolers on a field trip to a Wiggle concert. He'll go into the audience, and there's going to be an adorable little girl sitting on my lap. He'll come up to sing to her, and in the process fall in love with me. Then we're going to get married.

I'm glad I've figured out what to do with my life. It's important to have goals.

ETA: Another Picture of Greg Page!

is it strange that I still use a paper journal? and not only any old paper journal, but the same one i've had for the last 3 years...the dave journal? I think I'm over him now...I miss him as a friend...but otherwise? I dunno. I know I miss the way I felt about him. It was all-consumming, and a constant in my life, how i felt about him. I won't say I didn't doubt, because I did. And I won't say I was always happy, because I definitely wasn't. Not by a long shot. I always wanted more than he wanted to give, I guess. But when something went right? It was a high that was unbelievable. I miss how shaky I got when I thought about him. But looking back on it all in light of who I am now, I was repressing whole chunks of ME in an effort to be something he could like. (No wonder I was shaky) And I really never felt good about myself. I never felt pretty or smart or talented at anything. None of this was his fault really...just a side effect of the overwhelmingness of my crush on him.

'what brought all this dave crap on?' you may ask. 'i thought we were DONE with him finally'
It's just that I wrote a silly little poem in the dave-notebook tonight. a silly little boy-poem. And of course, I couldn't resist looking back at the old entries (i never can resist) and I realized that half of it is pre-dating angst (going back to when I was turning 15!) and a quarter of it is dating-dave joy. Which I think says something, that the angst was twice the joy. and then 1/8th of it (these are exact numbers!) is college boy angst (yay!)...which leaves me only 1 more eighth to fill, and then it's over. OVER! And I guess I'll have to get a new paper journal. And I think that by the time I have filled the last pages with new boy angst/joy, I will be completely and utterly OVER dave. Not that I'm not mostly and practically and wonderfully over him now. But I think I need to finish the journal...just to prove to myself that I can. And then I can put it away, on the shelf, and grow up? Nah.

Just to clarify this post:

This is not not!boy angst. The not!boy is possibly the best boy ever, in terms of communication anyway. And certainly, at the moment things are good. (not as good as they could be...certain people have been very angsty lately, which rubs off on me and makes me angsty, which is never good...but that's not a big deal. *grin*) I would prove this goodness to all and sundry (who's sundry?!) by posting the bad not!boy poems, but that would be silly, as it's BAD.

So anyway.
This was a real blog wasn't it? not just a "here's what I did with my day" but a "this is how I feel today" post. Haven't you missed them? Come on, you know you have. ; )

Am in one of those weird moods you get in when you stay in your room all day pretending to write a good paper. Why do I write papers so much better when I'm outside? And if I have to write a paper, why must I be in New England in March? Grr.

Also, I have discovered a new hatred for kissy-face movies in which they take the Ugly Girl, who of course, has curly hair and glasses and doesn't wear make-up, and make her Beautiful. Which, of course, involves getting her contacts, new lipstick, and STRAIGHTENING HER HAIR. Why is curly hair automatically ugly? I mean, mine is certainly not that great...especially since I never do anything exciting with it, but I happen to think that it can be very nice indeed. Lisa's is a good example.

Why was I watching that movie again? Oh yeah, I'm bored. IM me if you're bored too.

If you call me ekpinc, you must not know me.
If you call me Ms. [insert my last name here], you must know me from college. You could be a slight acquaintance, tut0r, or close friend. Doesn't really matter at St. John's.
If you call me Emma, you are completely and utterly normal. Sorry.
If you call me Em, you are either my mother, or one of my close friends from home.
If you call me M, then you're probably Dave, except you don't anymore. So you're dave from a few years ago. Go figure.
If you call me EP, then you're either K-Lo (what the HELL are you doing reading my blog?) or possibly Janet when she's being mean.
If you call me Emily, then I hate you, go away and never come back.
If you call me [Insert last name here], then you're either Jones, or Brent Peters. Whatever happened to him anyway?
If you call me Em-dahling, there's no mistaking you...you must be Scott.
If you call me Ems, then congratulations, you must be the not!boy. *misses*

What? You got a problem with me?

am home. if that wasn't obvious from the title.

took anna and the not!boy home with me. which was a blast. they met the folks, i met their folks, all was well. they also met, and were probably annoyed by, my friends (just kidding carly! and scott!). they are gone now, and the world is all sad and gray colored. EXCEPT FOR CARLY! *loves*

am scared about essay. want to be back at st johns. (to write essay).
I just don't think I can write a good essay inside, and massachusetts is so cold. I would go to the library, except they all know me there. grr.

okay. am looking for suggestions. where could i go to write an essay that is 1) not my house, 2) not the town library, and 3) not freezing, oh, and 4) that I could walk to?

impossible. I guess I just won't write it. yes, that sounds like a good idea.

now, am off to finish reading DV while I hope the not!boy comes online. why, i don't know. It's not like I have anything to say to him.

heyhey.

Just to let you all know, vacation starts tomorrow. I have seminar tonight, and after that, I'm leaving for the not!boy's house. Then we drive to anna's house in PA, then to Alyssa's in Long Island. We spend a few days there, hitting the city, and then up to Massachusetts! HOT! Just so you know, I'll be in town probably monday night, through the 21st. If you're also in town, let me know!

lallalalalalalalala

SO.

Friday there was a good lecture on Muscle that we all went to, which was fun. After, Alex and I tried to watch a movie (failed because of speaker problems) and Anna hooked a very cute prospie. Then, Anna and Lia and Sarah and I thought about Lola's outfits and other girly things.
Saturday, I did some homework, took a very nice walk with Anna, and then got ready for Lola's.

This was fun, and took a while. I did my hair all fancy, (too fancy, according to some...) put a little make-up on, and the long, slinky, slit-up-to-there black velvet dress that I found at goodwill that fits nicely and was 6 dollars. Oh. And my black fishnets stockings. It was hot.
So then Alex (who looked very spiffy and handsome in his suit with suspenders and bowler(?) hat) picked me up, and we went to dinner. This was terribly stressful for him, but I had fun *grin*. Then, we picked up our alchohol, and went to Anna and Bekah's room, for a little bit of pre-gaming, which turned into a dance party (like usual...we seem to spend all our time dancing)...but everyone looked really nice, and we all drank too much. I was drinking coconut rum, which I've decided is 1) no where near as good as jello-shots 2) way too sweet and 3)takes way too long to feel it...which means i drank more than i thought i was drinking. grr.

Anyway. so then, LOLA's

Lola's is this big party that the juniors throw. It's a formal wear gambling/dancing/boozing party. It was Great Gatsby themed, which meant they were serving drinks named after the characters. By the way, never order a mint julip (I tried a sip of someone's and it was GROSS)...but cosmopolitans are okay. I danced (tipsily) for a little while, and then when I felt a bit more in control, tried my hand at gambling. I played for a while with Alex and Anna's money (both were not feeling sober enough to gamble)...I played blackjack, and ended up about 3 dollars down, which wasnt that bad, considering the dealer was drunk enough that he kept trying to take my money when I had higher cards than him. Hmm.

Anyway. So I had fun, everyone looked wonderful.

Today, I sat in the sun in my t-shirt ( i heart annapolis) and wrote 3 pages of my freshman essay. Go Me!

And now I'm off to watch the oscars. Life is good.

I just had a long involved blog post...and my computer died in the middle of it! Gah.

Suffice to say, I had a nice day today.

Music thing gacked from carly. my iTunes playlist shuffled. ; )

1) Make It Last - Stroke 9 (i haven't listened to this in years!)
2) Wonderwall - Oasis
3) Birdland - Patti Smith (great song!)
4) Walk Through the Fire - BtVS (hmm. nerdy)
5) Superman - Five For Fighting (Eww. I hate this song. It's from a compilation)
6) Heaven - Talking Heads (BEST SONG EVER)
7) Battle of Who Could Care Less - Ben Folds Five (I have so much Ben Folds, I'd be really surprised if it didn't show up)
8) Looking Into You - Jackson Browne
9) When I go Out With Artists - Crash Test Dummies
10) High Anxiety - Sugar Ray (very strange. again, something I haven't listened to in years)


I had a bunch more, but my computer ate them. OH well. Interestingly enough, I never listen to ANY of these. Or the 8 more that I had, before I lost the list. hmm.

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Interesting. I love Watership Down, it's one of my favorites. Hot.

More later, I'm sure.

I should be doing something productive...instead, I'm floating aimlessly around the internet. *sigh*
And nobody's online to talk to! I want to talk to LISA because I have a chemistry question of all things. And I want to talk to the NOT!BOY because I haven't seen him since (oh goodness) last night. ; ) Also, because I miss talking to him online. Interestingly enough.

Also, Laurie Anderson is weird as all hell. I love her. But the Superman Song is CRAZY-ASS weird. And I don't use the adjective CRAZY-ASS lightly.

GAH.

Don't want to go to math! BLAHBLAHBLABHALBHALBHABALBH, and I don't even have BASKETBALL this AFTERNOON to look forward to!

My life is sad. *grin*

"And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi Mom!" - Laurie Anderson, Superman

Sorry for spamming the blog. I'm awful...I'll go forever without saying anything more than, "I love basketball" or "I'm tired", and then all of a sudden, I'm in the writing mood. *shrug* oh well. You know you love me anyway.

Had hot chocolate with the boy and anna, was good. Spilled it down my shirt, but that's okay. Had fun watching the boy cook. (yay, boys who will cook for me. i hate cooking. *shudder*) He's so cute. *shakes head at cuteness*
Then, went back to the loft, where I talked with Alex for far longer than I should have. Oh well. Interesting conversations are WAY better than sleep, any day. *blinks* Remind me of this tomorrow morning, when I can't wake up for lab. I am so caught in the teen-age late-night trap. And I know it, but can't do anythin about it. *sigh*

Anyway. Despite a rocky start, today ended up being good. My stomach just started complaining though. I wonder if it was the chocolate.

so.

Today got better. I didn't have to play in the scary tournament because my partner never showed up, and then I did lots and lots of homework, which actually made me feel a lot better. And I listened to Joni Mitchell and Laurie Anderson, which also made me feel better. And I constructed a octohedron out of paperclips for math, which is pretty cool, and was a nice way of endulging my artsncrafts cravings. Also had a long conversation with my parents, which was nice. (Oh. We talked about voting, and the primaries, and my mother made a good point, which was...I'm from Massachusetts, which Kerry is going to take anyway, because he's our senator, so what does it matter? And my dad made a good point when I complained about Kerry's voting record, being that he's a politician, that's what he does. And he argues that the only reason Edwards doesn't have the same record is that he doesn't have any experience, or history. He hasn't had time to be inconsistent yet. So although I haven't quite decided who I'm going to vote for, I feel more informed, and less worried. Not that my vote matters. *grin*)

Anyway. So now I'm just waiting for the not!boy to come over to have hot chocolate with me. He has good (but bitter) real stuff that we have to make in the kitchen, which is fun. And tasty. Hopefully he comes soon, as I'm getting tired already. It was a really short weekend, but exhausting. Why is it that weekends are more work than the weeks? Sometimes, I think that my temperment is just not suited for parties. But I like hanging out with my friends...hmm.

Okay. I think I'm going to listen to some Kate Bush, and maybe read some Aristotle.

Yanno, it's weird. Just last year I can remember thinking about how all the artists I listen to were male. Except for Tori Amos, and I didn't really listen to her that much. But now I listen to Joni Mitchell and Kate Bush and Laurie Anderson and Judy Collins (guilty pleaure!) and Beth Orton and Nico and Cat Power and Patti Smith and Sam Phillips (woman!)...etc. Hmm. I wonder why that is...It's not like I only listen to women though. Maybe it's just that my tastes have expanded a LOT.

was a bit of a let down.

The good parts: jello shots (mmm, jello), meeting boy's friend Jason, flirting with the boy while tipsy, having good girl talk with anna
The bad parts: one of my friends breaking up with her boy, hitting the maryland ave party at Munters house (which was smoke-filled and crowded and giving off bad vibes), the boy letting louise give him hits while already drunk in munters' room, and then getting really sick.

Things that are making me wibbly right now: the amount of homework I'm putting off doing, the basketball 2 on 2 tournament that I said I would do that I don't want to, the paper topic I have to turn in tomorrow, the fact that the boy still doesn't feel well, the fact that I'm not feeling 100% because I didn't sleep well last night (my own fault for napping from 7 to 10pm), the applications that I want to fill in for a job next year, the fact that I don't know what kind of financial aid I'm going to get, bekah's love life, alyssa's love life, anna's love life, my own love life, the primaries, the absentee ballot that still hasn't been delievered, the fact that I'm old enough to be worried about this stuff, spring break.

What I really want to do: Go get the last Margaret Atwood book, that I've been saving for a bad day, and just lie down and read it.

What I'm going to do: Put shorts on, go get demolished in basketball, then do homework for hours, and talk to my parents about jobs.

"Make me angel that flies from Montgomery. Make me a poster of an old rodeo. Just give me one thing that I can hold on to. To believe in this living is just a hard way to go."

Okay. First of all, thanks to those who gave me their political opinions...I appreciate it! I'm still waiting to hear from people though...for example, Andrew, what do you think? Being in the capitol and all, you must have an opinion.

Also, I ran across this quote from former democratic senator, Max Cleland.

"For Saxby Chambliss, who got out of going to Vietnam because of a trick knee, to attack John Kerry as weak on the defense of our nation is like a mackerel in the moonlight that both shines and stinks."

I just have to say wow. a mackerel. in the moonlight. that's awesome.

1) I would like to point out that it is indeed Thursday. Hot.

2) Happy Birthday Tina!!!

3) Okay. I have a question for all my democratic readers...

Who are you going to vote for in the primary? (This is assuming that you're voting in the MA primaries, which are March 2, by the way. And assuming that you're registered. If not, please get on that! This is important people! heheh. *is political*. Also assuming that you've gotten an absentee ballot sent to you if necessary. This is easy! Ask a family member to go to the town office and have them send one, or go online, and fill out the form and mail it in. Get on this soon...Anyway. < /rant >)

So. To reiterate. Who are you going to vote for in the primary? Kerry? Edwards? Kucinich? Someone else? No one? And WHY are you going to vote for them? Kerry, for his general electiveness, vietnam protesting coolness? Or not, because of his inconsistent voting record, and support for free trade? Edwards, for his nice liberalness, consistent voting record? Or not, because of his lack of experience, and lack of challenge to Bush? Or Kucinich, cause he seems like such a nice, real guy. Or not, because he ain't got a chance in hell?

SO. Let me know! Particularly if you've got arguments I haven't heard yet. This will be the first time I vote, and I feel like it's kinda important to get it right, for the right reasons. And if you want to talk to me about this, that would be lovely too!

anyway. going to bed now.

love,
politicallyminded!emma

Asexual reproduction is love.

Marriage is love.

Also, check this out...it makes me happy.

How is it that I missed this?

This is tragic. I feel like there is no hope for longterm relationships...if Barbie and Ken broke up, what is there for the rest of us?

At the same time, it means that Ken is now available. Wouldn't it be a nice twist if he got together with Skipper? Or maybe one of Barbie's best friends?

So. Had a great day. Delivered lots of valentines (i made them this year, and felt ridiculously happy about my arts'n'crafts). Hung out with Alex in the morning, then had a great day with Anna when he went to work (poor boy). We had lunch together, and then decided to take a walk. First we went to the cutest little flowershop to buy eachother flowers (and I got some for Alex too. Oh! by the way. Recently, some confusion was expressed to me regarding the exact nature of this relationship *pets Abram*...to clarify...Alex is the guy I'm going out with. This technically makes him "The Boy" in my terminology. However, for a while, things seemed like they were not ever going to go in this positive direction, so I refered to him as the not!boy. As he reads this blog, he knew about this. And now, even though he is The Boy, he told me that he likes being the Not!boy. So sometimes I call him Alex (because that's his name) and sometimes I call him the boy, because i forget, and mostly I call him the not!boy. So now you know. back to the day)
So Anna and I were in this adorable little flower shop, picking out flowers, and making faces at the cutest little baby. *wants to snuggle*
Then we walked to the coffeeshop where the not!boy works, and I delievered the flower I got him, and Anna and I sat and drank italian cream soda/tea coolers and people/dog-watched. There was one man who walked by with 3 (!) HUGE great danes. They were gorgeous. This was fun.
Then we walked back, and hit Begone Dull Care.
This is an annual musical event that some of the tut0rs put on on Valentine's Day, to banish the winter duldrums. One of my favorite tut0rs was in it, playing bass and singing. It was amazing, and a sing-along, and I had a blast. It made me so happy that I could feel it in my stomach. You know, when you're happy enough that you're all squirmy and wonderful? That was today.
Anyway. So then, I went and napped, while listening to Judy Collins, who does some fun covers of people like Leonard Cohen. (yayness!) And then I went to dinner and saw the boy (finally back from work)...who gave me The Professor and the Madman, which I'm really looking forward to reading. Lisa, when I'm done with it, you have to borrow it (well, that's if it's any good *grin*)...it's right up your alley. Well. Our alley. (ourloveissogrammatical!)
Anyway. Then I took a long nice shower, and got myself all clean. And soon I'll put on a dress, and Alex will come pick me up, and then we'll go pregame with Anna and Alyssa, and THEN, we'll go to the Valentine's Day Waltz. (hopefully not too drunk!...er...yeah)

So. A busy day, and absolutely no homework done. Oh well. *grin*

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I love you ALL!! (well, with the possible exception of people I don't know who might be reading this...but no, I love you too!)

Today sucked major ass.

Okay, I lied. Only the middle part did. The first part was fine (lab was cool, and I had an awesome lunch with one of my tut0rs, who seemed enthusiastic about my possible freshman essay topic) then, I got a splitting headache, which made greek and math absolutely miserable. But THEN, I played soccer with Alyssa and Anna and Louise and Marcos, which rocks. And THEN I went to watch Alex's handball game, which was TOTALLY awesome. Then had dinner, and am now here. At computer.

But before I go, to nap or do work or something, I would just like to draw your attention to the upcoming movie, due out in 2006, Gnomeo and Juliet...starring two star-crossed garden gnomes. What exactly has the world come to? I can only think about what lisa told me when we watched Amelie....about the Garden Gnome Liberation Front, that stole the gnomes out of people's front yards, and then set them free in the forest. I feel like this orginization should possibly play a role in the movie.

was awesome

had a good day, good math, AMAZING BASKETBALL GAME (perhaps the most satisfying victory in recent memory), good arts and crafts, good dinner, fun Hard Bean/homework, amusing Fites, good game of spit with some guy (he won, but we've got a rematch next week, and i'll take it), good talk with boy. Now, hopefully, some good sleep, as tomorrow is Hell Day. I've really booked myself solid...3 classes, with a meeting with my tutor during my lunch break (so this will last from 9-3:30), watching the not!boy's handball game, dinner, the Birds, pottery maybe, basketball practice. I'm not sure i will make it through this, so if i die, I would like you all to know that I love you dearly.

g'night!

hmm.

had a nice day. went to the aquarium and made fun of the fishes. beautiful. would like to pet all of the loft boys. are so cute. "oh look, it's nemo!"

came back around 8, and slept for 2 hours. then hung around waiting for the party with the not!boy and anna. then, alex left just as the party started. pre-gamed with adam's stuff. drank screwdrivers. and weird chocolate cappucino stuff that tasted like chocolate milk until it burned, yanno? was a bit drunk. now am just really tired. so it feels a bit like i'm still drunk.

anyway. hung out in chasement for a while, playing drinking games with logan and kitchen (sp?) and quinn. then, anna and i went to the coffeeshop party for the seniors, who turned their essays in tonight at midnight.
i had a lot of fun, until i kinda lost the buzz, and everybody was REALLY drunk. multiple boys stuck their hands up my shirt and down my pants. i spent a while fighting them. it was sad, mostly because i wanted to dance with them because they're my friends, but not, yanno, if they're gonna be like that. ; )
missed the not!boy terribly. would have danced with me, and not tried to put his hands under my clothes. well. maybe he would've, but i don't think i would have minded nearly so much. : D

anyway. eventually anna and i gave up on the party, because the stupid strobe lights were making us dizzy (i hate strobes) and the stupid boys wouldn't leave us to dance in peace. meh.

so now it's 3:30, and I'm going to go to bed. so there.