and death i think is no parenthesis

Oh, fuck it. Let's bandwagon.

I _____ Emma.
Emma is _____.
Emma thinks a lot about _______.
When I think of _________, I think of Emma.
If I were alone in a room with Emma, _____.
Emma needs _____.
I want to ____ Emma.
Someday Emma will _____.
Emma reminds me of _____.
Without Emma _____.
Memories of Emma are _____.
Emma can be _____.
_____ is how I describe meeting Emma.
Worst thing about Emma is _____.
Best thing about Emma is _____.
I am ________ with Emma.
If I could describe Emma in a word: _______.


heheh. am really asking for it!

This is an interesting article. Reminds me of when ian defended the use of the word 'fuck' to mr. walker (stewie!) when we were sophomores. I believe they got into a discussion of the origins of the word, determining that it came from world war 1 , or some suchness. i still remember the look on walker's face. ohhhhhh, tex.

Everybody should go and watch this. Now, watch carefully!

And mike, I'm sorry. I just worry about you. I can't help it. : (

ekpinc is a Collosal Robot that can Regenerate, is Undead, moves at Great Speed, and has Four Sets of Teeth. Strength: 10 Agility: 5 Intelligence: 9 To see if your Giant Battle Monster can defeat ekpinc, enter your name and choose an attack: fights ekpinc using Strength Agility Intelligence

Back from my 13 hour workday. Am very impressed that I survived.

Conclusions:

The three things you need to work well with children: Good peacemaking skills (this is essential, especially when dealing with siblings), a sense of the dramatic, and (perhaps most important of all) a strong stomach.

Child # 1: (sobbing) I don't want to go to bed!! I'm not tired! (screams)
Me (after 10 hours of workday): (burst into louder sobs) NO! I WANT YOU TO GO TO BED! (SCREAMS AND WAILS (sarcastically, of course))
Child #1: *blinks* Okay. *pats me on arm* It's okay.

*bows* Thank you, thank you very much.

I got up at 8. Went to work for child #1 at 9. Ran around in sun with said child until 12. Was very hot. At 12:15 went to work for children #2 + 3, sat until 5:30. To hint at the horrors involved in this job, I give you my conversation with Carly

Me: am tired
Me: and quite frankly, sick of children
Carly: i'm sorry honey
Me: that's okay. eventually this day will be over
Me: and i havent cried yet, although i did almost throw up
Carly: why?
Me: you really don't want to know
Me: i thought i'd seen and handled the worst
Me: knee deep in shit does not seem to begin to cover it
Carly: holy crap
Me: literally
Carly:
Me: lol
Me: ohwell
Me: as the woman i sit for put it....babysitting is the most effective form of birth control there it
Me: s
Me: every one who sleeps around and doesnt use adequate protection should have been standing in that bathroom with me today
Me: am considering giving up on ever having sex. may not be worth it
Carly: amen, sister

Now, am off to sit for child #1 again, until she goes to bed (around 8), at which point I will probably read my book, seeing as their house only gets one channel. All I have to say is, thank god she's already toilet trained.

this, I have decided, sums up the entire meaning/organization of life.

"She stood at street corners as if waiting for the light to cahnge, watching businessmen hurry past, sometimes in overcoats of the kind the poets never wear, solid-looking and beige or navy blue but slit provocatively up the back, or in three-piece suits, challengingly done up with hundreds of buttons and zippers, their tight tennis-playing butts concealed under layers of expensive wool blend, their ties waving enticingly under their chins like the loose ends of macrame wall hangings: one pull and the whole thing would unravel. The poets, in their track suits of jeans, seem easier of access, but htey are hedges with paradox and often moody. The businessmen would be simple and unspoiled, primary reds and blues rather than puce and lilac, potatoes rather than, like the poets, slightly over-ripe avocadoes." - Margaret Atwood, "Loulou, or, The Domestic Life of Language"

I've always felt that poets were over-ripe avocadoes (in a good way) and just never been able to express it myself.

WELL.

I'm feeling very emotional lately. Last night I was lying in bed, reading a book. Just a normal book for me, nothing terribly exciting. A good, fun book, but not something I'm going to run around recommending to people. Anyway. It ended on a hopeful, happy note, only a very little bittersweet. Just a bit bitter. And I burst into tears. I was sitting on my bed, sobbing, "why am I *hiccough* crying? why the fuck am I *gulp* crying? *sigh* *hiccup*" It was silly. So I used all that sentimenatity to get started on a little project that I'm doing...because I'm leaving all my friends in about 3 weeks.

And then today, I was sitting in front of the television, catching the last 5 minutes of Boy Meets World. And they were being ridiculously sappy. And I'm sitting there going "This is crap." And all of a sudden I'm crying again.

So I dunno. It's not like I'm sad about anything (other than the fact that someone whose name has too many z's doesn't love me anymore), I just keep crying.
I think it's that I have a certain amount of tears that I need to get through each month, and this month I haven't used them up. And I feel like I'm wasting them. SO! Let's have a cry over nothing fest!


Anyway. I'm sitting here watching a dvd of ben fold live. (which, apparently, will not play in our dvd player...only in the new computer. go figure) He's playing Tiny Dancer, and he's got the elton john glasses on, and it's so pretty and wonderful, and he keeps pausing, looking up at the crowd, and making this absolutely ridiculous face... :0...that I guess is an imitation of elton john. it's great. I'm SO glad we went to see him. He's amazing.

AHAH! Song for the Dumped. GREAT for screaming along with when you're, yanno, upset at being dumped.

(so you said you wanted to slow things down some, have some space...well fuck you too! and i wish i hadn't bought you dinner, right before you dumped me on your front porch! you bitch)

When we saw him, he did half of it in japanese...and all of it in a minor key. it was great.


Anyway. More later, I'm sure.

So, what's news with yous?

Am feeling so left out. This is 2 movies now that I really wanted to see that people have gone without me to. I know I'm being unfair, but irrationality is not something you conquer by identification.

*is depressed*

*decides that fate works against her*

*eats too much chocolate*

*is sick*

*hangs self to death with mouse cord*

*hopes that will show them all*

*evil cackling*

*cranky sobbing*

I don't mean it really, I loves me some you

*goes off to read The Iliad, and at least make self smarter/well read if can't be off having fun*

*does happy dance of email flirtaiciousness (yeah, i know, that's not even close)*

*bounces*

*is once again astonished by ability to call about anything, anytime, anyone*

*decides that this is the best part of everything...flirting. even if it doesn't mean anything, even if it's a bad thing to do, is better than even an established relationship sometimes*

*rocks out to Ben Folds*

*sings*

La la la, lalala, lalala.

Extraverted (E) 57% Introverted (I) 43%
Intuitive (N) 73% Sensing (S) 27%
Feeling (F) 75% Thinking (T) 25%
Judging (J) 55% Perceiving (P) 45%

I guess I'm not extraverted or introverted. But I am pretty intuitive and feeling. *interprets results for those who don't understand percents*

I have *counts* 12 bugbites that are itching, on my legs alone. *growls*

My name is: Emma
In the morning I am: perky but teary
All I need is: a good snogging
I'm afraid of: loneliness, failure
I dream about: blood! no, seriously

-W I T H . T H E . S E X . O F . Y O U R . C H O I C E-
What do you notice first ?: intelligence
Last person you slow danced with: tim
Worst question to ask:I can't think of anything.

-D O . Y O U . E V E R-
Sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?: not recently
Save AIM conversations: if they're funny.
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: yup. sometimes i think i'm really a boy in disguise.

-W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N-
You talked to on the phone: margie
Hugged: grace
You instant messaged: jessie
You laughed with: carly and lisa. my girls.
Kissed: on the mouth? dave. elsewhere? um, carly lisa laura andrew scott fuzz probably

-D O . Y O U-
Color your hair: nopenope
Ever get off the damn computer: sometimes. when i've got a good book
Habla espanol: when i can't help it. un poco

-D O . Y O U / / A R E . Y O U-
Smoke cigarettes: nope
Obsessive: yes...very much so about a very few things
Could you live without the computer? : if i've got a good book
How many people are on your buddylist? : 62
Whats your favorite food?: chicken and brocoli casserole
Whats your favorite fruit? : grapes.
Drink alcohol? : depends on how you define 'drink'
Like watching sunrises or sunset: sunsets, i guess.
What hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?: emotional pain
Trust others way too easily? : not terribly.

-N U M B E R-
Of times I have had my heart broken? : 1
Of boys I have kissed? : 2
Of girls I have kissed? : 0
Of times I have moved? : 1
Of tight friends? : 8
Of cd's that I own ? : between 75 and 100...unless you don't count the ones i've stolen from my parents
Of scars on my body ? : 3
Of things in my past that I regret ?: too many to count

I KNOW: how to write
I WANT: *blinks* a good snog (*has one thing on mind tonight*)...actually, would settle for
I HAVE: awesome friends
I WISH: i had a good book to read
I HATE: toilet training. (not mine, sean's)
I MISS: Laura...sob
I FEAR: college. dying alone and being eaten by wolves
I HEAR: the dishwasher
I SEARCH: for meaning! hehehe
I WONDER: if anyone really cares anyway
I REGRET: something really terrible i'm in the process of doing to someone. *dies slowly*
I LOVE: *refuses to name names*
I ACHE: when i thnk about things better left unthought
I CARE: about learning
I AM NOT: as smart as some people think i am
I DANCE: well, interestingly. sometimes
I SING: like they do in Peter Pan....i just break into song!
I CRY: I haven't cried in a few weeks now. YEs! *pumps fist*
I DO NOT ALWAYS: do what i should
I WRITE: terrible poetry
I WIN: mahjongg!
I LOSE: hearts
I CONFUSE: as many people as possible
I LISTEN: to just about everyone
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: at the library
I NEED: to stop worrying
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: certain rumors, which at the same time make me very very unhappy
I SHOULD: be sleeping

Well, my family decided to get a new computer...and is currently arguing over it. Gah. Gah gah gah.

Mike, when you get a chance, could you give me a call? My dad wants your help installing hardrive or some such nonesense. You may pick your compensation, obviously. ; )

I want to just t00b around and do all my internet checking, but I CAN'T...partially because they want the computer back in a few minutes, partially because all my favorites are on the other computer. grr argh. I hate this. I was perfectly happy with the old one, despite or perhaps because of the occasional hiccups. Huh.

Anyway. Have an upset stomach. Want my girls. Where is you?

Happy Birthday to me! Happy birthday to me!

Anyway. My day really sucked until 5:30, because I was working, and the kids would not listen to me, no matter what today. Plus, I was all like, why am I working? It's my birthday! But then, I got home, and before I went on to my next job, and I discovered a multitude of birthday emails. Thanks everyone! I love you!
That made me feel really wonderful, which held me until 8, when job #2 was over, at which point Scott surprise-kidnapped me and took me out to dinner. I love me some Scott!
And now I'm home, and my parents are sleeping, so I don't get family presents until later I guess. But that's okay. I can wait. ; )

So, overall, a good birthday. Particularly thanks to all the people that called and wrote emails. MMM, I love you!

Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well. Everything worked itself out, if you were worried. Thanks for the support!

In other news,

"I could eat this frisbee" - Mike

Fuzz: How do you drive this thing [my mom's minivan]? It's like a tank!
Carly: No, I've driven a tank, and...
Emma: Oh, really? You've driven a tank? *skeptical look*
Carly: Well, no, that's not what I meant.

Well. So I was driving Fuzz back home from my house tonight (he lives in the next town over, which I don't know well at all) and I'd never been there before (well, driven there, or paid attention or anything) and originally, I was going to pick him up, so he gave me directions from my house to his over the phone, which I wrote down. I did not end up picking him up however, due to unforeseen circumstances, and he got to my house all on his own. Then, I had to give him a ride home. It was late, so I brought lisa along in case I needed help getting back. (keep in mind that I haven't read through the directions I'd copied down that morning, since, well, the morning. and fuzz was going to be in the car, so I assumed I wouldn't need them. However, good little boy scout that I am, I brought them in my pocket, just in case)

So we enter the next town over. And fuzz declares that he is going to let me find my own way to his house and not help at all. So I pull out the directions and give them to lisa. He promtly reaches over, and using brute force, rips them out of her hands, knocking her nose in the process. So I just keep on going straight, and occasionally make turns where it seems like a good place, while Fuzz is sitting there going "I don't think you should have turned there...but why don't you keep on going down this way" and "Oh, now we're back at the rotary...again!"

Finally, we get to his house. I don't know how...probably some birthday miracle, as neither lisa nor i have a good sense of direction. And fuzz was more a hindrence (sp?) than a help.

Then, he gave us back our directions, and Lisa and I managed to get back into town. It was one wild and crazzzzzzy night.


15 minutes to my birthday!!

Everytime things seem to be going okay for me....GAH!


I hate being me sometimes. This wouldn't bother, say, Scott. And most people just wouldn't have a problem with it. But it makes me feel HORRIBLE. GAH!

*cries*

I was so happy...it's my birthday tomorrow...it was all going so well.

GAH.

(sorry for the crypticness. if you don't know, then it doesn't concern you. sorry)

OH. So this is a poem that I wanted feedback on. Should I send this to my old creative writing teacher, or wait until something better comes along?

Holding the Night

There is some specific feeling…
(I don't know what)
that comes when
it's dark
and late,
and mine are the only headlights on the road
and my window is
all the way down,
letting in both the rumble of my tires on the pavement
and the breeze that
carries night with it.

…so tonight,
I put off the safety of sleep –
my bed, with its pink stripped sheets,
the nightlight in the hall,
the drone of a fan on my leg –
and turned the radio up,
not loud enough to intrude
on the dark
but enough that I could
sing along softly to myself.

I thought of the ocean,
seagulls, sandcastles,
the wind.
I thought of you,
and of poetry.

And I drove on past my
house,
and off into the night.

My day just gets better and better!

Andrew wrote the prettiest little poem about me! *dances about* pretty pretty pretty pretty.

Seriously though, he flatters me at the expense of himself. I'm not nearly as poetical as he makes me, and while you're there, check out his poem The Night Dripped, a few entries down. Pretty pretty stuff.

WELL.

I've just realized something very important.

I thought that I didn't like anyone (like like) right now. I thought that I was inbetween things, off men, waiting for college, and all sorts of lovely things like that. I told someone, and was convinced it was the truth, that there was no one I knew that I would consider going out with.

But it's not true. And I just realized it. I got an email, and it made my heart pound. And I'm smiling now...in the way that I haven't smiled in about 6 months. And even though I know nothing is going to happen ever, because of situations and circumstances, it's really nice to feel like this. To know that if (impossibly, but still) we ever went out, I would prance about my room, plan an outfit with care and attention to little skirts, sing loudly and joyously to World Party, and be nervous. It's Really Really nice to know (emotionally as well as intellectually) that I am capable of feeling like this about someone other than he-who-must-not-be-named.

And no, it's nobody reading this journal. And no, I'm not going to tell you who it is. I guess in the long run it's not important who it is. What's important is that I believe that I can be happy that way again.

*grins*

*does a little "recieved an email from the boy I like" dance*

*smiles*

My pickup line is:

Hi, I find you very attractive. Want my number?

what's your pickup line? | mewing.net. hey, baby.

ah, so apparently Lisa was just cursed through the internet. She sent me...wanna check it out?

I thought it was funny anyway.

so, in other news...well, at the moment i guess there is no other news. So nevermind. Later, dude.

Well, I'm not sure whether I've posted this particular test before...but if so, sorry! Jeez...cut me some slack.

You are 44% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com