WELL. Asshole!Paul has been playing games with ex-girl, my dearest
Anna, and she's REALLY upset. And it got me thinking.
I dunno. I haven't really felt anything near as strong as what I felt for dave since him. Not what I felt when I had a CRUSH on him, not what I felt when we were going out, nor how MISERABLE I was when he dumped me. I've never liked anyone like that before, during, or after. And I realize that I'm very very young, and I like dave for most of my liking-boys carear. And that it hasn't been that long since him. And that it's only been a few months since I've really felt at all over him. (And really, I think I am over him. I don't even remember what it was that I liked so much...I just remember the feeling of liking him. And I remember him physically. But that's different, and not a big deal) I think the only thing that still bothers me is remembering the way he made me feel. Like there was nothing that could happen that could change how happy I was. And after Matt (*blows kisses at Matt*), which was (on my part anyway) such an easy going sort of relationship, and didn't really make me either that blissful or that unhappy, I wondered if maybe the problem was me. Like I expended all my energy on dave, and didn't have enough left. Although that's silly.
But with the whole paul-the-asshole thing, I can't help but think that maybe it's a good thing. That I won't get hurt this way. Because dave was such a
nice guy about the whole thing. Because he's a great guy in general. And in some ways that was hard, but in most, it was a good thing. But really. I thought Paul was a nice guy when I first met him. I don't think I would have ever gone out with him, but I might have. But I don't think I would have cared this much. I don't know though. GAh. Boys suck.
Maybe if I could just ignore the whole idea of a boyfriend, I'd be happier. But somehow, I feel like I can't exist in a state of not liking someone. I miss it. I miss the whole thing...thinking of him before I go to bed, flirting, dressing nicer if i know I'll see him, and I know I'll miss the whole
touching thing soon. I'm such a physical person...just that I like hugs and kisses. And girls are great, and my guy friends are great (although no one here that I'd feel comfortable hugging) but there's something different.
Oh well. I'm not unhappy. Just contemplative. And chatty. Sorry. ; )
In other news, I have decided that "greek" is a swear word, meaning that something is unbelievably difficult. For example, "I was doing the first four propositions of Book 2, and they are fucking greek!" Or, "God, you're being so GREEK".
In still other news, I was talking to a friend of mine who has to take the music notation classes, and I told her to call them mutation classes. She thought it was funny, and said she would. Then I forgot about it. Then, at breakfast today, I was talking to this guy that I barely know, and who isn't even taking them, and he said mutation classes. And I asked him about it. And he said that everyone was calling them that. And I really think that I started it. Because I am just THAT COOL. Isn't that awesome?
*looks up* Wow, this is a long post. Sorry!
