and death i think is no parenthesis

yeah. so things just get better and better.
I drew a really really crap number in the lottery (just about as crap as it gets), and so did anna, which means that chances are good that I won't get on-campus housing next year. Which is about worst-case scenario in my books. Not absolutely worst-case scenario, that one will pop up when I can't find an apartment to rent within a 10 minute walk of campus, and either spend all my time in transit, or live on the streets.
Plus, alyssa is probably not coming back next year.

I just don't even want to think about what is going to go wrong next. Everything that I was kinda taking for granted would work out, isn't. Maybe Alex will dump me. At this point, I wouldn't be that surprised.

I'm going to pretend this is (horrors!) livejournal, and do a

Mood: Teary
Music: Kingdom Come: World Party

I am so angry.
Not only did we not get the loft (when the woman in charge of this sort of thing, Joy Kaplan, practically promised it to us, because we were the first with our application in), but we lost it to a group of guys who KISSED ASS to get it (going and singing her a song, as well as getting a recommendation from her favorite RA, one of the most hated guys on campus because of his unforgiving alchohol policies).
This, despite the fact that it's tradition for the loft to go to boys then girls then boys then girls, which means it should have been a group of girls that got it.
So after all of Anna's and my hard work on that fucking application essay, and all our hopefull planning on the really cool things we could have done with the space to decorate, and the parties we could have given, we are thrown over for a group of guys with musical talent. Fuck that.

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. I really wanted this, and kind of assumed we would. Which of course, means we wouldn't. I persist in being optimistic, and assuming that I am the heroine of every situation, and will come out on top, when clearly I'm wrong.

I just want to go home now, and cry in my bed, but I fucking can't because there's no place to go have a good cry on this fucking campus. There are fucking people everywhere.

"because everybody knows he pumps you for your money, but that's okay don't worry bout it honey...rubbing on the lotion and rocking on the horse size pills...sometimes you feel like moses, but that's when you're toasted." -dandy warhols

sucks. It's driving me crazy. My comments say that I have 5 on the last post, but I can only see 2 of them. And on lisa's blog, it says she has 6, and I know that one of them is mine, but I can't see any. GRR.

Anyway. So much happened this weekend that I can't even write about it. I had fun, the not!boy rocked out, and, well, croquet. I can't really describe croquet. You kind of had to be there. Or ask me in person. I can do that. ; )

Why do you cry?

I don't mean...when you hurt yourself, or when your boyfriend dumps you, or even when someone dies.
I mean the silly times. Do you cry at really good music? A sad movie?

I cry at the end of books. I even cry sometimes when they have happy endings.

Book Recommendation of the Day: Animal Dreams, by Barbara Kingsolver

Well. The 80 degree weather was nice for a little while...but it needs to go away now. Either that or they need to turn off the heat in the dorms, and turn on the AC. Because I'm dying. As in DEATH BY SMOTHERING. Also, the heat has made it impossible for me to nap. Which in turn has made me very cranky. World, look out.

*sulks*

just a quick quiz:

Why Am I So Happy?
a) Awesome Friends
b) Not!boys
c) Greek
d) Oral Exam tomorrow
e) Amazing 80degree and sunny weather
f) All of the above
g) All of the above except b
h) All of the above except c and d


You will be graded. This is for p and p, (points and pressure).

Well. Updating at the not!request of the not!boy,

my weekend in review (sorry for the repeat!)

A Heart of Darkness party, friend visits, co-ed soccer, lack of Cranium, masquerade, Easter at the boy's house, hanging out with Anna, good music (Tom Paxton, Leonard Cohen, Pete Yorn)...good books read...(Robertson Davies, Robert Hellenga)...no homework accomplished, but sleep...and too many jello shots, too much chocolate and champagne...too much money spent on little things (a caramel steamer, a movie, a mask at the party)...too much laundry, a very messy room, an hour spent on the front lawn, a mix cd, a day off work, a walk to Rite Aid, a phone call home, a case of mistaken identity (funny story, remind me to tell you sometime)...three ibuprofen, 4 loft boys, 1 five year old girl, 1 shot of tequila, hours of bad dance music...

Monday...class, class, some more class. Poor not!boy had surgery. I was affectionate, and stayed up too late.
Tuesday...work (yawned a lot, was frustrated with Kinae, except when she asked for More when I was feeding her, which is this HUGE step forward. HUGE), meeting with one of my tutors, class, soccer IN THE RAIN (Anna and I were made the captians, Mr. P: "You guys are the Future", and we had to pick teams. it rocked) Comforting the boy (it was thundering), dinner, collapsed in boy's room, homework, search for anna, more homework, SLEEP
Wednesday...exhaustion AND cramps...class, half-hour nap, class, class, homework homework homework, dinner, art, homework, brief visit from the boy, and NOW, SLEEP.

oh. before i forget. Reason #395 Why I Love St. John's: In math, where we are starting Ptolemy, my tutor felt it necessary to remind us how to round decimals (5 and over up, less than 5 down)...in the middle of this terribly complicated proof of how the universe worked, according to this guy in 200 AD. (hey, forget all this earth rotating around the sun nonesense. Obviously the earth is stationary, in the exact center of the sphere of the universe) We also reinvented Factor-Labeling and Long Division.

I just had an awful really terrible nightmare. I woke myself up out of it and my heart was pounding, and I had to sit up and even the knocking of the wind against the window was making me nervous. So I decided, screw my poor sleeping roomate, and opened up the computer. Becuase god damn.

I was sleeping in bekah and anna's room for some strange arrangement, and anna was somewhere else. Bekah was downstairs, and coming to bed. It wasn't really their room, it was more like a hotel room, with a big double bed. I got in, and kinda fell asleep, and then I noticed this really creepy guy, standing inside the door, waiting. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't drag myself out of sleep enough to do something. Finally bekah came in, and I managed to wake myself up and screamed about him. She looked at him, and typically bekah, was like, "Are you trying to spy on me? Get out! I'll call security"...but I had already reached for both phones, (there was one on each side of the bed), and I dialed security on both, hoping one would connect faster. The man left, and bekah shut the door. This was good, as I had dialed the wrong number. There was something else awful that happened, but I don't remember what it was.

Anwyay. Hopefully writing this will help me calm down a bit, as I have to get up for work in about 4 hours. FUCK.

WELL.

I would say that I've had the week from hell...except it wouldn't be true. As far as individual moments, I've had a really awesome week. But I'm exhausted...I've been on the go all week...there was no day that I took it easy, and I'm sick as a dog, so I think it's just been building up. *coughs* *dies*
So. I worked a lot. The kids are wonderful, the job is wonderful...it's just too bad I keep having to walk there in the rain, and too bad it's at 8 in the morning. *sighs*. BUT, wonderful.
I also did a lot of schoolwork. I had a few meetings with my tut0rs about the paper I'll turn in on Monday. They both said it was good, solid, etc, but suggested a lot of things to add. Hmm. Also, one of them offered me a shot of whiskey before my oral. *rock* *loves him*
What else? Hung around with the not!boy, which is always nice. Fell apart on him last night, which freaked him out. I realized that I haven't cried in a really long time. He probably hasn't ever seen me really cry. Have decided that this is a good thing, and means that I'm happy.
Played soccer in the rain. ROCK! kicked major ass, even though my team lost big. I'm amazing. It was really nice to go from basketball, which I'm mediocre at ( I would be really bad, because I'm short and don't know what I'm doing...but I think my natural athleticism (*snickers*) saw me through ), to soccer, which I'm pretty okay at...and more importantly, know exactly what's going on, and where i should stand, and what I should do. I felt good. Then, at the end of the game, my illness caught up to me and I almost threw up. But it was totally worth it.
Took a shower, felt better, went to dinner. Talked to the not!boy for a little while, then beat him up. I didn't fight fair, but really, his reach is like, double mine. I need to cheat! hehehe. Anyway, so that was fun (and sexy! *winks*) and now I'm going to maybe take a nap before going to the Loft Party! *shoutout to the Loft Boys! Or, as I've decided they should be called, the Lost Boys. Alex thinks that makes him Peter Pan, but I'm not sure I agree...Alyssa told Coy she'd heard a lot about him, and then told me she now understood what we were talking about. Just because he's the cute one...also, apparantly Dan rearranged the furniture for PARTY, and did it well. Nothing less than I would have expected, really*

Anyway. *loves the world*